This is a a real story of what i learnt as a former sex worker, my opinions and testimonies are all real.
1: It’s not long term ,even if you would like it to be.
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I began my journey at the age of 18, never contemplating the future. I mean does anyone have a solid plan at 18? Initially, I believed my involvement in the industry would be short-lived; however, as time passed, I discovered the difficulty of extracting oneself from the sex industry, it kept me glued in fact. The allure of quick money can be enticing, and while sex work may appear easy in hindsight, the mental toll it takes is undeniable. Admittedly, I relished in freedom—being able to choose my working hours and even taking extended breaks, Such autonomy, coupled with the generous remuneration, became a formidable trap.
After a few years, the financial compensation ceased to hold the same value for me, and my mental well-being suffered greatly. Growing older added to my concerns, and despite being in my twenties, the prospect of being a sex worker well into my forties frightened me. What had once brought excitement gradually transformed into a mundane task, with each passing year, the passion became lesser. The thought of starting anew without a concrete plan seemed daunting, further intensifying my desire for an alternative path. Exiting the industry, which had become detrimental to my mental health, proved to be one of the most challenging endeavors I had ever faced. Nonetheless, I summoned the courage to embark on a fresh start. It’s so easy to start and rather enticing but its not talked enough about how to exit or find the path out.
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2: Energy exchange and sex attachments.
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I am someone that is sensitive, I pick up moods, energy and feelings of other people around me, I have to be careful who I let around me as it can affect me. I didn’t quite gather this information till after. Why I felt such a negative emotion towards sex and men ,although having a healthy sex life in my now relationship and having positive men influence growing up. Sex work made me become bitter and frankly not a very nice person, the way I viewed myself, my attitude towards money and people. My opinions became hateful, I became angry at the world and the way men viewed women, alot to take on. Sex is a powerful form of love, intimacy, lust and of course new beginnings.
Now I knew we exchange energy during sex but of course now knowing the men I slept with on a personal level , I allowed myself to energy exchange with potential negative energy , I didn’t quite realise the impact it had on me and how it potentially changed who I was. I was carrying other people’s energy and vice versa. What is the meaning of energy exchange? ‘ At its core, sexual energy exchange is the exchange of energy between two or more individuals through sexual means, we are energetic bodies and during sexual intercourse , the energy of each partner mixes’… something to think about.
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3: The grass isn’t greener and the sex isn’t always that great either.
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You might scroll on instagram and compare yourself to people you have never met, with their designer clothes, jet set lifestyle and mouth watering food posts, I mean I get it, I still do it, In fact it pops up on my feed whether I like it or not. Although this time it doesn’t bother me. I’ve been there, and one thing I have got out of it is that money isn’t everything, I have gained money, lost it, gained and lost. It now has less value to me than before. I value me, I value how I feel , I value myself.
I knew that this wasn’t a lifestyle I chose, more that I was persuaded by multiple men trying to make money of my body, at 18 I was naive and I didn’t quite understand the repercussions that I would later endure 10 years later. I wish I did and I sometimes wish I didn’t know that that lifestyle even existed, of course we all do ,we see it in the movies, we either see a grim interpretation in films or a glamorioursed, nothing in between. It goes back to the theory of what we see online is not real and people only show only the happiest moments. Sex work is the latter it can be both good and bad, but unfortunately the bad outweighs the good…eventually. I still suffer from bad dreams and a lot of mental rage but of course this is me and my story.
Now let’s face it being a sex worker was nothing like the film ‘Pretty women’ In fact lead role Julia Roberts told how originally the film was meant to be rather grim but the script changed to become more of a rom com in the end, perhaps shedding a light that sex work is in fact glamourise and the only way out is to find a Richard Gere. Now if only that was the case, it informs us that the only way out would be to find a man, which leaves a lot of truth into how hard to it is to exist the industry. Sex can be great but is ruined by whole experience of not having connection and attraction and yet made into a transaction where pleasure is presumably low on my list during such encounters.
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4: The money doesn’t make you happy, nor does the shoes or handbags.
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Is It worth selling yourself for money? I guess we all sell ourselves at one point or another in life. In other words we have all probably sold our self cheap, be it any job or relationship etc . Let’s get this straight, I wasn’t a high class escort, you know the ones you might read about, although I wasn’t standing on street corners, does this diture my experience? The principles are still very much the same and while the money may vary, the repercussions are similar, the money was fast, perhaps too fast I couldn’t even appreciate the money I had until it was gone.
From the sugar daddies paying for my shopping to the constant shopping sprees and never ending takeaways, in the end it’s not worth it, the freedom that cash brings you eventually makes you end lose yourself in the process, no money is worth losing yourself and you will spend the rest of your life trying to fix that. I changed during the process. I now appreciate the little things, I still have lots of clothes, expensive makeup, shoes and all sorts tucked away at the back of my wardrobe, I will probably take them to the charity shop or sell on vinted as they bring too much memories back. So was it really worth it in the end? To be left with a black hole that can not be filled. At the time it was great, 18 and having money but the thrill started to die along with myself . I’ve come along way and i’m still going.
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5: Lack of support can be detrimental.
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Do I believe sex work is empowering? The answer is no, however if you had asked me this while in the industry I might have said yes. Of course I built myself a false narrative that I was indeed empowering myself, I was owning my body, I was in control over men, I was using men for my money with my body and it was assured to me that this was the power of being a women. This is rather a false narrative and something which i made myself believe even if i didn’t agree with it deep down. which I now realise, with the height of the #metoo movement and rise in young women making money on onlyfans and the push of potentially finding a sugar daddy that can pay all your rent with ‘no strings attached’ is now becoming a booming market. Will we see the ultimate damage this will cause in the next 10 years, and by that I mean trauma.
Coming out of the industry I received therapy, through my own doing, I realised without the drugs and the lifestyle I was put in a position where I couldn’t deal with my thoughts and feelings, I never thought of therapy and to be honest, I thought i could deal with things myself, I was rather stubborn like that. I found lack of support and shame to tell people what had happened to me, I felt dirty and almost embarrassed , keeping it my little secret till the grave, but all the trauma and hurt would not let me forget and bury these away, these were important and needed to be addressed.
I struggled to find any foundations or support groups that could help me address my problems, although through research and and a few phone calls I managed to find a group which helped survivors of sexual abuse. I met with other survivors , although our stories were different, we could all connect on some type of trauma. please seek help in any form of mental health.
Please email for more support: darktaboo@yahoo.co.uk
Sex,drugs and mental health. 