‘The depression monster’
I like to call depression a monster but would that be fair? I mean it certainly feels that way. Depression is a state of mind which usually arrives after a traumatic experience but for some it can arrive without warning and decides to be part of our life. I can always tell when depression invites itself round for tea. I am snappy, tired, unmotivated and would rather stay in my bed, in fact I can be so god damn horrible that it’s easier to stay in bed for everyone else around me.
Even going to the shower or fridge seems like to take a lot of my energy out of me. For someone who loves cooking and food , frozen food is delicacy on these days. I remember years and years of being in a state of sadness and depression that it almost felt comfortable, Happiness felt peculiar. Depression became a comfort.
I always thought I would be miserable, lonely and angry. I mean how I could be anything else when the mind is clouded by dark thoughts and the world around you feels so bleak it might as well be seen through the lens of an old fashioned black and white camera. In fact it can feel like The Wizard of OZ before any colour. But the colour does arrive eventually. Just like in the film.
I was so consumed by my own darkness the light would have to find a small worm hole to pop through and plus depression became a toxic and comfortable way of living. It was something I was used to.
Happiness! What’s that? Became the question. Isn’t that what we are all after eventually… to feel loved, happy, appreciated.
Now to be honest my depression still lurks around, every so often it does come back to visit but each time it stays less and less. Before it would decide to stay for a few days or in some cases a weeks. Now I’m thankful if my depression only stays for a day. The days are getting better and I’m starting to feel like me again.
I’m starting to heal my inner child. The child that liked to go on adventures outside, that would love to paint and write, the child that liked to laugh and giggle. Now isn’t this the essence of happiness? The small things. The sunshine shining through your bedroom window or the rain patting against the windows on a stormy night, both are beautiful in different ways. The smell of fresh bedding, cuddles from pets and the sound of birds singing. All of this seems meaningless in the bubble of depression in fact it can be ignored by the sounds of your own mind but the small things remind us of hope. The beauty around you still exists despite how you may feel.
Healing yourself is difficult, it can take months or years. Mine took what felt like forever so don’t be so hard on yourself. The old cliché of ‘it gets better’ is true. I hate to admit it being a stubborn person that would tell someone to ‘F’ off if they told me this. But it’s true. It takes time. We are not born depressed or I guess happy. I mean is that why babies scream when they are first born? ‘Welcome to earth’ the planet of lessons and learning as I like to say. Earth is never an easy journey.
That’s why we are here. Find the beauty in the world. Life would be ultimately boring if every think went our way. There are some beautiful souls all around you. The news only shows the bad. Smile at people as you walk by, me being shy found this hard and some people don’t smile back. But that’s ok. We are allowed to have bad days, it makes the good days seem even more amazing.
My 5 tips to helping depression
1 Exercise.
There is no cure for depression maybe except pills, it usually requires a lifestyle change. If you’re into exercise or not, then still give it a try. I started my exercise journey about a year ago and its helped me alot considering I hated exercise. Depression can make you feel low on energy, tired and unmotivated so you may be asking how the hell do I find the energy to go exercise? Well studies have been shown that 20-40 minutes of exercise 3 times a week can in fact help.
When you exercise, your body releases chemicals called endorphins. These endorphins interact with the receptors in your brain that reduce your perception of pain. Endorphins also trigger a positive feeling in the body.
2- Therapy.
Sometimes it’s hard to talk to people you know and easier to talk to strangers. Therapy helped me alot, I found talking to someone professionally helped make sense of all the feelings i was feeling. I came out of therapy understanding why I was acting in certain ways and how it was linked to previous trauma. I came out with a feeling of understanding myself and not being too harsh with myself. Therapy can be costly, through research I was able to find a free therapist, it was a long waiting list but it was worth the wait! Please email for some advice on how to find free therapists.
3- Nature and the great outdoors.
A simple but effective way to help boost positivity. I remember being told by a doctor that going for a walk will help. I left feeling somewhat amused that a walk could help my depression ( a load of nonsense I thought) . Walking and going outside is not going to cure you of depression but it certainly helps. For example my favorite place is the beach, living in the UK it will certainly be cold and wet for half the year but the sound of waves crashing against the shore and seeing the power of the waves made me feel calm. I would sit and people watch, watching the world go by, it made me feel less alone. Staying in bed can make things so much worse even though your body wants nothing more but to stay in bed. Please try and get outside even its for 10 minutes , I know how how hard this is but it gets better.
4- Eating healthy and getting enough rest.
During my deepest depression I found myself either eating nothing or binging on ‘treats’ . I don’t think I ever ate anything healthy in Ifact would eat chocolate like no tomorrow. In fact, research has shown that eating processed food is linked to depression and anxiety. Many fast food contain refined carbohydrates which increases low blood sugar, extreme low blood sugar can be the cause of panic attacks, anxiety and insomnia. Now depression can either make you sleep for long periods of time or can can keep you up all night worrying and overthinking, getting the right amount of sleep can be effective on your whole day and mood. I have encountered both ends, the days of being up all night and sleeping all day became awful, when the world is quiet and sleeping and your up all by yourself it can make you feel alone. I’ve attached a book that helped me to stop worrying and overthinking.
5- Books and research.
Books can be a great way of escaping your own reality. Sometimes I like to read Sci-fi or fantasy, it makes me feel that I’m not in my own world. I get that reading isn’t for everybody but there are some great books that have helped me through my journey. From fiction to nonfiction whatever you fancy. Here are some of my great recommendations.
Sex,drugs and mental health. 