Category: Sex

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Sex

1000 MEN AND ME: THE BONNIE BLUE STORY.

You may or may not have heard of Bonnie blue, she’s over every social media app, unless she’s been banned from that too. She’s known for her wild, depraved and frankly disturbing sexual acts. She’s an OnlyFans model, made her name known to the world. It’s pretty much everywhere, you may have forcibly heard of her.

Though, this isn’t a blog to bash her, plenty of people are already doing that. I find what she’s doing pretty insane,wild in fact. By my own standard, I’m certainly no prude, I became a sex worker in 2014, seems ages ago now, yet it still stays with me. Very different stories. Like many I assumed she has trauma, addictions, family problems… yet the opposite exists. I found this fascinating, sure she doesn’t stand for sex workers or could relate to many, Bonnie poses a new wave. Are we watching someone ruin themselves trying to get to the top This whole situation is strange, sudden, bizarre. Like many I haven’t appreciated the media shoving it down my throat ( no pun intended). It’s been triggering in some regard, healing from my experience, questioning some aspects, questioning society!

Maybe we won’t see the consequences till later, watching a train crash in slow motion.

1000 Men and me: Bonnie Blue documentary.

Intrigued, I decided to watch the channel 4 documentary, I guess out of curiosity and wanting to understand the mind of the women behind this. Fascination being key rather than disgust, yet disgust being the main word to describe the show. Channel 4 failed to dive into the depths of this woman, although they tried, I still wonder why, I failed to really understand this woman. It was more a documentary showcasing the wild stunts we have already been made aware of, yet I’m still scratching my head wondering what the hell this is all about and why we are being made aware of this in such an already chaotic society of problems.

I used to be a sex worker, I do not judge this woman for being one. It’s a lucrative job in a collapsing society. Yet this is a new form, this is no longer about sexual liberation or feminism, this is about a new generation, GEN Z. This generation have learnt the skill of making money online, easily, quickly and for very little effort. Normal people can make money online be it dancing online or telling their story. You can earn money by views and comments. Quick fame, you might call it a 15 minutes of fame, social media is a business for most gen Z and they have learnt their skill of monetizing themself as a brand, something my shy millennial self cannot comprehend.

Bonnie Blue has been able to monetize herself in a way that has made her stand out in an already crowded and popular platform, kudos. But is she just a victim of the new generation of quick easy online money? She’s not the only one doing these vulgar acts, with other young women trying to beat the next record. It’s almost like ‘what can I do to stay to on top’. She is making up to 1 million pounds a MONTH. Maybe even more either way rumours up to 2 million a month, sex sells clearly. Thats enough for any person to retire in a few months, enough to change someone’s life. Making 1 million a month may be why she is still going at it, although how much money does one need to feel successful?

Is this a new generational norm?

Remember when sex used to be taboo, erotic and sensual? goodbye to that. With acts like Bonnie Blue openly and so honestly doing what she’s doing then what does this end up doing to a society? Do we become normalised to such profanities. Do we become numb to 1000 man gangs. Its not up to Bonnie Blue to control society but when she’s on every social media page, every headline and every Daily Mail read then she must accept some sort of responsibly, this is her brand, bad or good publicity is feeding the storm. If social media died then so would a lot of people’s careers. OnlyFans has become a crowded market, I’m not on it myself, although I did dabble in Covid, it’s a seedy competition in a highly crowded market.

What do I think of the real Bonnie Blue?

Lost.

Lost without yet realising, a sorry state of affairs. I do believe, in some twisted way Bonnie (real name Tia Bellenger) does enjoy this. I love sex too but fail to understand where the real pleasure is coming from rather than a sore vagina, we know from the documentary she uses rage bait and click bait, deep down she doesn’t really believe what she says, it’s part of the Bonnie brand.

Shes doesn’t seem emotional, she can control her emotions in a way that that seems to make her hollow and emotionless. A great trait for someone in the sex industry, a sensitive person would suffer. A very strong worth ethic and competivness that’s seen in many corporate work spaces. She’s an ex dancer so this may explain some of that competitiveness. Perhaps some even narcissistic traits. I believe Bonnie will never be happy and is always striving for the next goal, never satisfied. Bonnie is perhaps a product of a new and unhealthy environment. I don’t believe money is her motivation and rather being the best of the best is. Got to give it to her though, she’s got everyone talking and even got me typing away. How long will this last till it dries up? I’m not sure. How many more stunts can she do without getting arrested? If this was for the love of sex then there would be no need to publicise these events. She may believe she found a niche in the market, sex work is now become a business model. But it shouldn’t be, people tend to forget how sacred sex is , it’s an energy exchange between two people, or 1000 in Bonnie’s case. Bonnie has a whole team around her. The new ‘celebrity status has got even lower.

She is not the voice for sex workers, she cannot imagine what other women have gone through, she is not a victim of sexual abuse or rape. She makes bold claims about women not pleasing their men, yet hasn’t ever experienced any abuse by men. Of course this is all satire to go with the Bonnie Blue brand. I feel sorry for her in a way that she has to do this to become relevant. Another factor I noticed. she seems very level headed, which one may argue that she’s completely lost her head. I don’t believe Bonnie has any regrets right now and is actually enjoying the whole experience. Im almost certain she will have regrets later down the line. Sure she might be rich but she seemed very lonely throughout the documentary. Something I can emphasise with during my experience. Having only connections through sex became heavy on the soul, she will later witness perhaps a loneliness and longing for love in the future which might be harder to attain.

I do not believe she is possessed by demons, I do not believe she is evil! Sure if you’re religious and from the 18th century, you may have these beliefs. I believe she is a pawn to the new digital, make money online era, which I believe will collapse one day. I’ve never met her, I seem to know more about her than I intended. Some of the things she says it’s so intently outrageous, it’s funny! It’s so obvious that this is the brand, the obvious rage bait in an already digital world. I don’t HATE what she’s doing, what I hate is everyone being witnesses to these events.

Overall thoughts…

I am someone that has lived through experiences, I was once an escort, I believe women should enjoy sex without judgement, yet this goes beyond, this is watching someone with no real life experiences or trauma create trauma for themselves. I don’t think we will really see the outrage of the super digital sex era come to light till later down the line. Any women who are thinking about entering this world, be warned, it’s not for most and it’s very short lived, the glamour fades to a dense reality.

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Sex Uncategorized

The Only Fans Effect.

Photo by Kamaji Ogino on Pexels.com

In the current era, a significant number of individuals are involved in platforms such as OnlyFans. This phenomenon has become increasingly prevalent, to the extent that you either know someone who has an OnlyFans or unknowingly know someone that uses it (thankfully) . It’s becoming more and more accepting and less taboo…But is this a good thing?

The year 2020 witnessed a surge in individuals joining such platforms, a trend that was accentuated by the conditions of the pandemic. While I actually personally explored involvement in OnlyFans, it is important to note that this observation is made without prejudice. Notably, these platforms have empowered women, providing them with greater independence and control over their content and earnings, in contrast to traditional forms of adult entertainment (PORN). Nonetheless, it is crucial to acknowledge the negative aspects associated with these platforms. The deeper societal implications of this trend are yet to fully materialize, and yes, we are celebrating these changes with more governments talking about legalizing prostitution. We have become a world of wokeness that has literally let women become empowered by unfortunately becoming what is dragging us slowly down: a sex object.

It is important to understand that I have a unique viewpoint on this topic and that my opinion changes daily on this subject; it’s a touchy subject that can split the room. I’m not one of these judgmental women looking from the other side of the window, judging other women. I was a sex worker from the age of 17, and I experienced all the stereotypes you associate with that world: abuse, addiction, depression, toxic men. Thankfully, I came out the other side just about. It’s giving time to reflect on my journey and heal.

I did a little digging to find women who want to talk about their stories for my blog. Of course, it’s been hard, as many women just want to forget about it, feel ashamed, and don’t even connect with the person they once were. But I’ve managed to find some stories already out there that can back me up. Unfortunately we have articles all over the place saying how glamourios it is and how much money they are making. When big headlines paint of picture of ‘Money, Independence , Luxury and fast money’ all sounds very appealing, it’s hard not be at least a little bit intrigued.

Women talk about the mental impact from being a sex worker, be it OnlyFans, porn, or escorting. From relationship troubles to suffering PTSD and nightmares, low sex drive, or a negative feeling towards sex, regardless of whether this is in loving relationships. Having problems with affection and men in general. This is all very true, it took me a while to enjoy sex in a relationship without feeling like i was constantly being used.

Now the money is the most attractive part of this job, after a while, though, it is draining. Women feel stuck in this business. These women explain how they have even felt a part missing from them when exiting the business, something I can strongly empathize with. This is something I struggled with very much and still do three years later. I didn’t know who I was anymore. It’s so much easier to go back than to start again, and I know this is a big problem in the sex industry that women are not talking about! There will come a time when life must change whether we like it or not, but leaving the industry with a lot of trauma is very hard.

It’s crucial to address the difficulties and challenges faced by individuals, especially women, in the sex industry. The allure of financial stability often draws individuals into this line of work, but the emotional toll and feeling of entrapment can lead to long-lasting struggles. The sense of loss and identity crisis upon leaving this profession is a profound experience shared by many. The fear of starting over and the prevalence of unspoken trauma within the industry contribute to the cycle of returning rather than pursuing a new path.

Recognizing the need for open conversations and support mechanisms is vital in addressing the complexities of transitioning away from the sex industry. Women’s voices and their stories need to be heard to bring about meaningful change. The journey of leaving this profession is hard, By acknowledging and addressing these challenges, we can work towards creating a more supportive environment for individuals seeking to move beyond their past experiences in the sex industry.”

One woman explained how it made her feel ’empty, lost, and numb to go from individual to individual, making no real emotional contact’. Of course, we live in a ‘Bad Bitch’ era where we have made ourselves believe we don’t need men, love, or compassion. We all need these things and are only lying to ourselves. Without these things the feminine energy cannot be nurtured and we become a cold, man hating world of women. Of course men do need to change too, and with knowledge this can also happen, i will be talking about this very soon.

I think while more women are starting to tell their stories, we shouldn’t just wait for the dismissal and impact of what is yet to come, I hope my blog can help you see a different side to the industry.

I would love to hear your opinion and lets get talking!

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5 things I wish I knew before I became a sex worker.

Photo by Kamaji Ogino on Pexels.com

This is a a real story of what i learnt as a former sex worker, my opinions and testimonies are all real.

1: It’s not long term ,even if you would like it to be.

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I began my journey at the age of 18, never contemplating the future. I mean does anyone have a solid plan at 18? Initially, I believed my involvement in the industry would be short-lived; however, as time passed, I discovered the difficulty of extracting oneself from the sex industry, it kept me glued in fact. The allure of quick money can be enticing, and while sex work may appear easy in hindsight, the mental toll it takes is undeniable. Admittedly, I relished in freedom—being able to choose my working hours and even taking extended breaks, Such autonomy, coupled with the generous remuneration, became a formidable trap.

After a few years, the financial compensation ceased to hold the same value for me, and my mental well-being suffered greatly. Growing older added to my concerns, and despite being in my twenties, the prospect of being a sex worker well into my forties frightened me. What had once brought excitement gradually transformed into a mundane task, with each passing year, the passion became lesser. The thought of starting anew without a concrete plan seemed daunting, further intensifying my desire for an alternative path. Exiting the industry, which had become detrimental to my mental health, proved to be one of the most challenging endeavors I had ever faced. Nonetheless, I summoned the courage to embark on a fresh start. It’s so easy to start and rather enticing but its not talked enough about how to exit or find the path out.

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2: Energy exchange and sex attachments.

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I am someone that is sensitive, I pick up moods, energy and feelings of other people around me, I have to be careful who I let around me as it can affect me. I didn’t quite gather this information till after. Why I felt such a negative emotion towards sex and men ,although having a healthy sex life in my now relationship and having positive men influence growing up. Sex work made me become bitter and frankly not a very nice person, the way I viewed myself, my attitude towards money and people. My opinions became hateful, I became angry at the world and the way men viewed women, alot to take on. Sex is a powerful form of love, intimacy, lust and of course new beginnings.

Now I knew we exchange energy during sex but of course now knowing the men I slept with on a personal level , I allowed myself to energy exchange with potential negative energy , I didn’t quite realise the impact it had on me and how it potentially changed who I was. I was carrying other people’s energy and vice versa. What is the meaning of energy exchange? ‘ At its core, sexual energy exchange is the exchange of energy between two or more individuals through sexual means, we are energetic bodies and during sexual intercourse , the energy of each partner mixes’… something to think about.

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3: The grass isn’t greener and the sex isn’t always that great either.

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You might scroll on instagram and compare yourself to people you have never met, with their designer clothes, jet set lifestyle and mouth watering food posts, I mean I get it, I still do it, In fact it pops up on my feed whether I like it or not. Although this time it doesn’t bother me. I’ve been there, and one thing I have got out of it is that money isn’t everything, I have gained money, lost it, gained and lost. It now has less value to me than before. I value me, I value how I feel , I value myself.

I knew that this wasn’t a lifestyle I chose, more that I was persuaded by multiple men trying to make money of my body, at 18 I was naive and I didn’t quite understand the repercussions that I would later endure 10 years later. I wish I did and I sometimes wish I didn’t know that that lifestyle even existed, of course we all do ,we see it in the movies, we either see a grim interpretation in films or a glamorioursed, nothing in between. It goes back to the theory of what we see online is not real and people only show only the happiest moments. Sex work is the latter it can be both good and bad, but unfortunately the bad outweighs the good…eventually. I still suffer from bad dreams and a lot of mental rage but of course this is me and my story.

Now let’s face it being a sex worker was nothing like the film ‘Pretty women’ In fact lead role Julia Roberts told how originally the film was meant to be rather grim but the script changed to become more of a rom com in the end, perhaps shedding a light that sex work is in fact glamourise and the only way out is to find a Richard Gere. Now if only that was the case, it informs us that the only way out would be to find a man, which leaves a lot of truth into how hard to it is to exist the industry. Sex can be great but is ruined by whole experience of not having connection and attraction and yet made into a transaction where pleasure is presumably low on my list during such encounters.

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4: The money doesn’t make you happy, nor does the shoes or handbags.

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Is It worth selling yourself for money? I guess we all sell ourselves at one point or another in life. In other words we have all probably sold our self cheap, be it any job or relationship etc . Let’s get this straight, I wasn’t a high class escort, you know the ones you might read about, although I wasn’t standing on street corners, does this diture my experience? The principles are still very much the same and while the money may vary, the repercussions are similar, the money was fast, perhaps too fast I couldn’t even appreciate the money I had until it was gone.

From the sugar daddies paying for my shopping to the constant shopping sprees and never ending takeaways, in the end it’s not worth it, the freedom that cash brings you eventually makes you end lose yourself in the process, no money is worth losing yourself and you will spend the rest of your life trying to fix that. I changed during the process. I now appreciate the little things, I still have lots of clothes, expensive makeup, shoes and all sorts tucked away at the back of my wardrobe, I will probably take them to the charity shop or sell on vinted as they bring too much memories back. So was it really worth it in the end? To be left with a black hole that can not be filled. At the time it was great, 18 and having money but the thrill started to die along with myself . I’ve come along way and i’m still going.

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5: Lack of support can be detrimental.

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Do I believe sex work is empowering? The answer is no, however if you had asked me this while in the industry I might have said yes. Of course I built myself a false narrative that I was indeed empowering myself, I was owning my body, I was in control over men, I was using men for my money with my body and it was assured to me that this was the power of being a women. This is rather a false narrative and something which i made myself believe even if i didn’t agree with it deep down. which I now realise, with the height of the #metoo movement and rise in young women making money on onlyfans and the push of potentially finding a sugar daddy that can pay all your rent with ‘no strings attached’ is now becoming a booming market. Will we see the ultimate damage this will cause in the next 10 years, and by that I mean trauma.

Coming out of the industry I received therapy, through my own doing, I realised without the drugs and the lifestyle I was put in a position where I couldn’t deal with my thoughts and feelings, I never thought of therapy and to be honest, I thought i could deal with things myself, I was rather stubborn like that. I found lack of support and shame to tell people what had happened to me, I felt dirty and almost embarrassed , keeping it my little secret till the grave, but all the trauma and hurt would not let me forget and bury these away, these were important and needed to be addressed.

I struggled to find any foundations or support groups that could help me address my problems, although through research and and a few phone calls I managed to find a group which helped survivors of sexual abuse. I met with other survivors , although our stories were different, we could all connect on some type of trauma. please seek help in any form of mental health.

Please email for more support: darktaboo@yahoo.co.uk

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The future of sex work.

Photo by Aleksandar Pasaric on Pexels.com

So imagine this, folks: the future of sex work is about to get all fancy and futuristic, like a sci-fi movie on steroids. We’re talking AI taking center stage and shaking things up, whether we’re ready or not. And hey, remember that Netflix show, Altered Carbon? It blew my mind, Let’s just say, some scenes were quite the eye-opener. If you catch my drift, high-five!

The ‘perfect women were built’.

Oh, imagine the chaos on Twitter (currently known as ‘X‘) a few years back when those fancy sex robots took over the trending topics. It was like a storm in a virtual teacup, especially among the lovely ladies. Yeah, they built these “perfect women” with silicone bodies, massive knockers, and all the bells and whistles. I mean, seriously? As a former sex worker, I couldn’t help but wonder how on earth I was supposed to compete with those “perfect” replicas. I must admit, I even got a little green-eyed thinking about it. Me, jealous of a soulless robot with huge hooters? Absolutely bonkers, right? It gave me a fleeting glimpse into the future of the industry. But hey, now that I’m out of that world, I can happily say I’m no longer in a race against a sex bot. It did make me ponder the future of the profession though. Oof, crazy times indeed!

I can see this super trendy thing becoming the norm real soon, you know? I mean, sex work is more than just the physical stuff, right? Believe it or not, some of my clients just wanted a bit of chit-chat and the company of an attractive lady. Sounds bonkers, I know, but hey, maybe they were onto something. It’s like they wanted a wholesome experience, someone to listen to their rants and worries about life. And let me tell you, that’s a side of the sex industry nobody talks about! But yeah, not every fella is just looking for a heart-to-heart, and I guess these fancy sex robots are perfect for those types of customers. Though I can’t quite imagine how a wire-based, sexually motivated robot would provide the same kind of connection, you gotta give it to ’em for trying!

So the future of sex work will continue, as always from the beginning of earth, prostitution has been around and I don’t think it will be leaving us anytime soon, yes there will be overly attractive robots that will eventually be crafted to look as human as possible and this will cater for a certain group but sex work involves conversation, intimacy, connection which I find will be hard to get from a sex robot…but i could be wrong, perhaps these mere bodys of wires will be able to hold a better conversation than the most of the general public.

Good or bad?

There is an ongoing debate regarding the implications of future developments in the field of sex robots. Some argue that these advancements may lead to a decline in the demand for human sex workers, while others contend that it could potentially address issues such as rape, abuse, and violence against sex workers. However, it is crucial to consider the ethical ramifications of using sex robots solely as a means for individuals to indulge in their darkest fantasies, as depicted in the TV series “Altered Carbon”. Even if these robots are not human, it does not absolve individuals from the responsibility of distinguishing between right and wrong. This raises concerns about the potential blurring of moral boundaries.

An intriguing article published by The Sun in 2022 explored the notion that virtual reality sex could potentially provide an experience on par with that of real-life encounters. However, such a concept raises certain concerns. It is essential not to overlook the fact that sex serves as a means of establishing a genuine connection between individuals, and it can even evoke highly spiritual experiences. Consequently, recreating these profound sensations within a virtual realm appears dubious at best. The prevalence of individuals developing emotional attachments to online personas, even without physical contact, is already widely acknowledged. As exemplified by cases such as the man who ceremoniously wed a holographic entity, individuals identifying as “fictosexual” indeed exist, describing those who experience intense and enduring feelings of love towards fictional characters. With such considerations in mind, it is not inconceivable that in the forthcoming years, the media may feature headlines that highlight instances of individuals marrying AI cyberbots, illustrating a modern manifestation of the concept of digital love.”

‘A Mark Zuckerberg brothel’

In conclusion, although such a scenario is not yet a reality and may take another twenty years (or less) to materialize, it is important to be prepared for the potential emergence of cybersex and cybersex workers in our society. We need to anticipate the possibility of encountering more news headlines about “digital sex” and the advent of a new era in digitized sexual experiences. Remarkably, there are already strip clubs in the Metaverse. It is unsettling to consider the prospect that, in the not-too-distant future, one could even visit a personal brothel managed by Mark Zuckerberg. Such a notion provokes deep concern.

Leave your thoughts below!

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Sex

Sex work is a trap.

After back and forth I eventually decided to quit sex work, it was lockdown and I had moved back to my parents, due to restrictions in my country it was impossible to do escorting, I switched to Only Fans as an option as the thought of no money coming in used to keep me up at night. But deep down I knew I had to make a choice, unfortunately I had mixed drinking with working and eventually found it impossible to work without having some kind of substance. I was depressed.

We are bombarded with stories in the media of how girls and young women have ‘transformed their life’ after becoming a sex worker, bills paid, luxury cars and being able to buy a first home , any millennials dream. We celebrate the good stories but forget the real side. With all these good stories, I’m worried it can portray a glamourize version of what it’s really like.  I suppose this is because we are celebrating an ultra-sexed up generation, sex work has literally been put on steroids and is not so taboo as it once was. It is now celebrated as a feminist movement, an empowerment of women. I tend to disagree coming out the other side. And while at some points I did feel empowered …meaning I felt empowered by being in control which was something I had struggled a lot with in my teens, I was left feeling bleak eventually.

The excitement and freedom became different, it didn’t feel as it once did, perhaps because I got older and just got sick of it, maybe I grew out of it as they say or maybe, eventually like most cases it started to take its toll.  Having to act happy and not show anybody how you’re really feeling was hard. Some days the money was low and those days were depressing, you start questioning things and you start to question yourself. I never felt good enough as it was. The stress of not knowing if I would make any money that week or if I had fucked myself up with drink and drugs but then, of course you have a brilliant days where everything goes well, the money is piling in and the customers are extra nice. I struggled with the ups and downs, the constant good and bad days. The bad days then would last weeks and id be lucky to get any good days in the mental state I was in.

I viewed men differently after, it took me a couple years to get out of my head that all men were cheaters and not so bad, I guess in my job I let men act on their darkest fantasies , in the end I consumed a lot of energy from others while I running out on mine. It took a while for me not to be so bitter towards the male race. I’m eventually out of that now and don’t have so much hate towards men in fact I have none. I didn’t want sex work to make me hateful or have limitations on my opinions based on my sole experiences, I didn’t want it to affect future relationships. I still had hope of happiness. I would say I’m more aware now, although I have slightly more trust issues but I’m working on that.

I felt trapped in sex work, I was worried I might be doing that job until I was 50, which would have been a lot of energy exchange and a hell of a lot of blowjobs. Minimum wage and the cost of living crisis I can totally understand why sex work has now become an option for many, I would just like to vent, sex work is not work forever, even if you think it will be, there will be a point in time where things will need to change. It becomes draining on the soul, if you like it or not. I got angry that I wasn’t enjoying myself anymore like I once did, I wasn’t ready for my wake up call. I’m very stubborn.

The transition from sex work to I guess you would say ‘a normal life’ is difficult if you are unsure of what to do, I started sex work at 18 so didn’t have a clue, 18-24 a whole lot of ups and downs. I was lucky enough to come out at an age where I was still young ‘old in sex work numbers’ but young in a considered normal society (yay). This didn’t make the transition easy but I guess easier in terms I still had time to figure things out. Of course I got badly depressed and didn’t have motivation to do anything. To start my whole life again while depressed. No thank you.

Here’s a little bit of advice …find what really makes you happy… it’s a tough one, and won’t be easy, some will know and some won’t for example me, in and out of shitty jobs after and not knowing any of my passions, I frankly lost myself and had to re find myself .I felt I kept going back and forth with what I wanted, the past was comfortable, I wasn’t exactly happy in my present but the future gave me anxiety. Eventually I found my love of writing a couple years later. Three years to be precise, better late than never as they say. I remember writing fiction stories when I was younger and loved reading and writing, by no means is this a fiction story this is my real life, but it was a memory that popped up, a happy buried memory. Of course I never remembered any of this until I started healing, before it was a blank memory.

Sex work should be treated as a side hustle, if you are thinking about entering sex work don’t treat it as something you will be doing for the rest of your life, it comes with disappointments and a lot of reality checks. I don’t believe sex work is a form of empowerment bit I guess this can depend on who you are. I’m an emotional sponge and found it difficult to deal with the bad side. I came out of it with a negative view of the world and people that walk upon it. Through therapy and a lot of self-healing I’m now doing ok. Now it did have some pros, the freedom, the money and the control. Unfortunately for me it brought up a lot of shit, sex work mixed with unhealed trauma can be a deadly mix. It can take you down a slippery slope with no hope of doing anything else in life. I struggled to see outside of sex work, I still struggle now and temptation to go back always looms at the back of my mind. The money is a huge temptation (of course) but I know I will not get sucked back into the trap. It’s easy to think like that when times get tough .It took me a while to realise that wasn’t all I am. Sex work didn’t define me anymore.

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Sex

Why i became a sex worker.

Seated Nude Woman. The Alcove by The Art Institute of Chicago is licensed under CC-CC0 1.0

Of course I never set out to be a prostitute although, at one point I wanted to be a stripper, I was ten! Thanks to my brothers American pie DVDs, yes remember DVDS? I remember at school wondering what I would do when I was older. Are we meant to know so young? 20 years later and I’m still wondering. For me I had no idea, I’m sure I made up a conventional answer when asked by the teacher, I guess I didn’t want to be judged by my answer, even at that age. I didn’t really have many hobbies apart from playing with my brats dolls, I was pretty average at school, I’m sure other children knew the answer straight away. ‘I want to be a doctor, I want to be a race car driver or singer’ for me I just didn’t know, maybe I’m just happy to not be put in a category for the rest of my life and be judged by a job title.

I didn’t wake up and decide to be a sex worker I mean do people do that? I suppose it just happened, of course things happen, bad crowds, bad choices and bad people. I always thought I was too shy, too quiet to ever be involved in that sort of lifestyle but life is full of surprises. Like many I struggled with school and college in fact I hated going to school as a little one, I didn’t see the point of going to school to play with other children when I was pretty content playing on my own. I’ve always kept a small number of friends and that suited me pretty well even till this day.

Nude photography of Marie Jordan by Rijksmuseum is licensed under CC-CC0 1.0

I found sex work lonely but in a way I enjoyed my company, I worked for myself ,I was pretty laid back meaning work sometimes didn’t start till 1pm, I’ve always been a night owl and would be up till late. The song ‘wicked and lazy’ comes to mind, I’m sure this song was wrote about me, in fact I’m sure of it. I enjoyed the money until I developed a drug habit, then money just became a necessity for addiction rather than for luxury. Eventually fast money became tiresome and un-thrilling. Once I made it, it usually would be gone in an instance and by that I mean up my nose.

Sex is great when you’re not being smothered by hairy, overweight men, unless that’s your thing. A lot of the men were nice and polite, it made up for the assholes. I guess assholes are everywhere and are not immune to certain jobs. Did I enjoy getting robbed and assaulted? No, but it was better than working in a 9–5 office, sitting in the employee lunch canteen doing small talk with people you deep down despise, especially when you’re socially awkward like me. I would pick the hairy overweight men over that anytime.

Maybe I should have come out of the industry full of confidence. Men desiring me should have made me feel more powerful but I came out with more insecurities than when I first started. I’m 27 now and in the sex world that’s pretty old. I guess you could say I’ve now retired although without much retire money to retire on, due to my own bad choices. We live and we learn. But one thing that has happened… I became strong and empowered, in a different way. I have learnt a whole new level of self-love, something that money and people could never buy or give. I have learnt about myself, accepted the past me and learnt to respect the past me too. And here I am. Still growing and thriving ready for the next chapter to begin.

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5 tips on dating an older man.

Are you into older men or in an age gap relationship? It’s more common than you think and that doesn’t mean you have daddy issues. Maybe you like a silver fox, maybe the idea of a more accomplished man is more attractive , from experience I’m here to tell you my top 5 tips to know while dating an older man. Time and time again we have seen age gap relationships work, take Catherine Zeta Jones and Michael Douglas for example (yes a very attractive couple) who celebrated their 22nd wedding anniversary in 2022. Amazing!

I am dating someone 25 years my senior, we have been together for just over 3 years now, we started dating during Covid lockdown and soon moved in together (due to the restrictions) ,this has given me a unique perspective into seeing what it’s like to be with an older man 24 7 (literally) so let’s get into it.

I’ve never had a problem with dating an older man although, my first I can say so far so good! It can cause stereotypes and some judgement although I’ve never really had anyone have a problem with it , of course the occasional stares and “is that your daughter?” comment which is always funny, most people apologise after realising , to be honest it doesn’t bother me in the slightest, it gives us a good laugh.

If you are dating an older man please know this is completely normal and more common than you think, or course provided you are of age to make such a decision, otherwise it can be classed as grooming or damn right creepy and illegal!

That classic saying of ‘age is just a number’ can ring true. It took me a while to tell relatives about my relationship for I guess, society issues and maybe my fear of judgement. My family and friends were completely ok with it in the end, but I guess not everyone shares the same experience.

I say this with my heart – F’ what others think! It’s your life do what makes you happy and if doesn’t work out at least you have learnt. Lessons are valuable and this can resonate with any relationship, job, family life etc. Once you stop giving an F’, life becomes a whole lot easier.

Now all relationships have quarrels but being called a Millennial as an insult it quite the one! Now sure I am a Millennial blah blah blah and we were both born in different generations but frequently being told ‘back in my day we didn’t have phones, it was more fun’ or something along those lines can be causes of household debates! It’s also great to hear how much cheaper it was and how you could afford to buy a house… ok I guess I’m starting to talk like a millennial but you get my drift. The arguments can be very interesting dating an older man.

You can learn a lot from someone who has lived more years on earth, with age comes wisdom and knowledge, words of experience and encouragement. Plus I’ve found some really cool bands and artists from the 80’s that I much more enjoy listening too than modern music. He has opened my eyes too as to how women should be treated and I feel greatly appreciated for who I am. And might I add the sex is pretty damn good too!

There are many celebrity age gap relationships that have blossomed, take for example George Clooney and Amal Clooney that seemed to shock the world in 2014 with a 17 year age gap. Forward to 2023 and they are still thriving, the world doesn’t seem to care anymore. Now we all know Leonardo DiCaprio has a certain sell by date, it seems as soon as his girlfriend(s) turns 25 they are way too old, yes this is a bit bizarre and it does give a certain image of creepy but I guess all his girlfriends are over 18 (barely) and ‘hello’ its Leonardo DiCaprio so I guess he can do what he likes! Right? But it begs the question is it wrong for an older man to only want to date a younger women? I guess it could come off as ‘predator vibes’. Maturity would be a key factor here, ever heard of Peter Pan syndrome? Basically people who find it hard to grow up. Let’s be honest nobody wants a man child so bare this in mind when considering dating an older man.

5 tips on dating an older man.

1: Be prepared for compromise.

Compromise is key. All relationships have problems so bare this in mind, all relationships require some sort of compromise even if both parties are of similar age , but what compromises are needed when perhaps you are of a different generation?.

When dating we tend to gravitate towards people who may have the same music taste as us or perhaps a favorite film or TV series/hobbies and interests , sure these are not fundamental things for a successful relationship but they do help and it gives common ground for things to talk and bond over, but don’t be underwhelmed if this is not the case. I love talking to my older partner about deep issues and interesting topics, topics perhaps i’ve never thought to discuss before especially with people of my age and no we don’t end up talking about the war he’s not that old but you get the point , I found dating younger men wasn’t my cup of tea and the conversations didn’t seem to flow. Be open to new ways of looking at life.

ADVICE: learn about each other , older people can teach us great lessons in life, I’m sure you have had wise words from an older relative and it usually is the best advice so don’t be daunted by this, it’s actually a really good thing to have. Hey, he might not know much about Tik Tok or care about any of the latest Kardashian news although neither do i, just be open to all sorts. Learning about each other can be a great way to build a stable relationship, it’s exciting , mysterious and a great way to bond.

2: Different Stages in life.

Be prepared that you might be at different stages in life and that is OK. For example while dating an older man he might have already accomplished a successful career or be in a stable position whereas, you might be just starting out new and figuring things out, everyone has to start from somewhere . I think this is also a great position to be in as it gives you more free time to be able to figure out what you want while being supported . The downside to this is it could cause friction , it can be a lonely place when your trying to make something of yourself while other people around you may have it already ‘figured‘ out

ADVICE: No matter how old you are , nobody has life figured out , it’s a lie , we assume as we get older life magically figures itself out…News flash it doesn’t! We are forever learning even as we get older so don’t put too much pressure on yourself . Life is a sprint not a race as they say. Ever heard of the old fable ‘The Tortoise and the haire’ , I think you could say it has a valuable lesson if you are feeling left behind.

3: Lifestyle.

Being younger, you may have not experienced as much whereas your older partner has ‘been there , done that’ . I found personally being in my 20’s that I was much more inclined to want to go out, stay up later , be more adventurous , whereas my partner spent his 20’s already doing that so this wasn’t as appealing.

ADVICE: Find something you both like doing, explore more hobbies, take turns exploring each others interests. I think it’s a great idea to have friendships of all ages . Just because a man is older doesn’t mean he is ‘boring’ , partying becomes boring eventually, you will be surprised how much fun you can have together just going for walks or going away together. You may have different ideas about ‘fun’ and take into consideration this is not one shoe fits all, just because we get older doesn’t mean life turns stale, parties can be more fun but the hangovers can be a lot worst.

4: Be prepared for judgement.

Many times I’ve been out with my partner , we get stares as I mentioned above . Take it on the chin , most people really don’t care so why should you ? People love to assume. My advice would be to simply not care , you most likely won’t see these people ever again and as long as you’re happy so be it. Most people are curious rather than judgemental. Be prepared for ‘ hey is that your sugar daddy?‘ ‘he must be rich‘ ‘ you must be a gold digger’ and the most common one ‘is that your dad?’ .

ADVICE: People can be ignorant and judgemental with the ‘out of the norm’ relationships, while we may idolise the perfect picket fence husband and wife we see on TV lets forward to 2023 were we have less and less people getting married and women are becoming more independent with flourishing careers, lets just say getting married and having kids isn’t so much of the ideal anymore. I promise you people are becoming less judgemental and of course in a world where you can be cancelled and filmed at any given moment and spread on the internet people are being less inclined to speak on their opinions but as I said prepare for stares as staring is not YET illegal. Back to my point, each relationship requires a meeting in the middle, what works for you may not work for someone else so try to lessen your concerns about others opinions. Do what makes you happy, easier said than done I know but it’s YOUR life. Age gap relationships CAN work and vice versa.

5: The past.

Dating an older man as we have discussed he may have already travelled , done a lot of things that are on your bucket list but what about past relationships? He may have already been married, had a lot more girlfriends and long term relationships , he may have had children or has children that are grown and flown the nest, of course not for everyone but it’s much more likely. Take this into consideration, it can be alot to take on any partner having children with another person. Be mindful and ask yourself if that’s something you can handle.

ADVICE: Don’t be jealous! You can’t change the past. A positive way to look at this is that maybe he’s grown from these experiences, heart break the lot! In most cases ( but not all) he has probably matured a lot from these life experiences and at an older age is more likely to settle down and take things more serious, of course this is something you won’t find out until you start taking it serious. Most guys in their 20’s -30’s aren’t looking to settle down straight away , older men in most cases DO!

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Life after sex work.

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