Starting again…
You might question how someone can possibly be starting again at the age of 24. Twenty-four is young and definitely not an age where everything is figured out. Quite the contrary, in fact. I retired from sex work at 24 to start fresh and to get sober from cocaine, and it was the greatest achievement I have to date. Now, some might assume that retiring at 24 would mean I was financially stable, but you couldn’t be more wrong. I left the business with nothing. How I saw it was, either way, if I continued down this road of unhappiness, emptiness, and a crippling addiction, then soon enough, I would have nothing. The only way was to start again. It took me years to finally find a passion, and it took years to find myself.
Here I have some advice that might help you if you are finding yourself having to start again.
Rewire the brain.
Our brains can be rewired. I sort of like to think of the brain as some sort of AI in a physical body. We are products of our environment. I came from a dark place and had consumed myself with this. I was negative, hated myself and the world. I couldn’t find enough in myself to even figure out where to start again. Feeling and consuming a negative mindset will make everything much harder. It took me three years to start rewiring my brain, due to my stubbornness and comfort in being in a depressive state. Yes, that’s right. We can shy away from happiness as it’s unfamiliar, and the brain hates the unknown thanks to the little part of our brain that creates fear, otherwise known as the amygdala. Basically, our brains react to environments and situations, whether good or bad. We need to start by turning our negative thoughts into positive ones. With practice, this can be achieved. Before we start seeing changes in our lives, we need to first start with ourselves. We are creators of our reality. Every day you wake up and find a negative thought coming into your mind, try to tell yourself that it’s not so true. I struggled a lot with unworthiness and low self-esteem coming out of the sex industry. It took many attempts for me to tell myself, “I am beautiful and worthy,” and start to really believe it. I am NOT unworthy of greatness. It will take time, but every day, tell yourself you are worthy and keep doing this. There are plenty of affirmations online that may be more suited to you.
Accept that everything will happen when the time is right.
If you’re anything like me, you may sometimes feel impatient and become discouraged when things don’t go as planned. It’s perfectly normal to experience setbacks along our journey, and it can be challenging to start over again. I can empathize with the difficulties of finding work and having unpleasant experiences in the past. It’s during these moments when that inner voice starts reminding us of our past struggles and convinces us that it would be easier to give up and go back to where we were before. But I want to encourage you to pause and take a deep breath. Remember to focus on the present moment and what you can do today. Don’t let worries about tomorrow overwhelm you. Each day is an opportunity for growth and positive change, so let’s focus on that.
The present moment.
I completely understand the struggles of constantly worrying about things that are beyond our control. Many of us have the habit of fretting about things that may never come to pass. It’s important to remind ourselves that trying to control the uncontrollable only adds unnecessary stress to our minds. Perhaps, everything happens for a reason, both the good and the bad. Maybe all the time spent worrying is simply wasted, and what is meant to be will simply unfold. Embracing the present moment allows us to cultivate gratitude and appreciation. Whenever your mind starts to wander, gently guide it back to the present. In this journey, meditation can become your closest companion.
Gratitude.
I completely understand the feeling of longing for what could have been. It’s only natural wonder about the choices we’ve made and the paths not taken. The fear of the unknown can be overwhelming, especially when faced with financial worries. But it’s important to remember that dwelling on the past won’t bring us any closer to our goals. Instead, let’s focus on appreciating what we do have and finding the strength to move forward, embracing new opportunities that come our way. Remember, you’re not alone in these thoughts and feelings. We’re all human and we all face these moments of doubt. Together, we can navigate through them and create a brighter future.
Acceptance.
Accept that you’re allowed to have bad days. For example, as I write this, I am not feeling particularly 100% happy, and I definitely didn’t feel like writing. I gave myself little goals that I know I can accomplish. Instead of putting pressure on myself to finish my writing, I gave myself a promise to at least do 10 minutes daily. I immediately felt the pressure feel lesser and not feel so daunting. In fact, I enjoyed the process much more rather than it feeling like a chore.
Lastly…
Lastly, and most importantly, you are here… right now, reading this. I hope my words can bring some help to you. Coming from someone who, at one point, was suicidal and basically bedridden day and night, I know that change is possible. Of course, we must want change and understand our power. Once we make changes to ourselves, we begin to see changes in our reality. It’s hard to reprogram ourselves, but I’m a living example that it can be done. Remember, you are just as worthy as me or the old lady you pass on the street, among the thousands and thousands of people you see daily.
Sex,drugs and mental health. 